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Canto Foul

by Count Olaf

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1.
WE'RE ALL ORPHANS IN THE END BY POISON DART OR FIRE, FOE OR FRIEND WHAT WILL RISE WILL HAVE TO FALL OH, IT'S NOT QUIET HERE AT ALL TRUE LOVE AND FIRES AND MURDER AND DEATH FORTUNES AND LIARS AND VERY FANCY DOILIES
2.
Olaf! 03:18
I WILL CLAIM WHAT I DESIRE I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE EXPIRE A PHRASE WHICH HERE MEANS "DESTROYED BY FIRE" ...DO YOU THINK I'M A LIAR? OLAF! OLAF! OLAF! OLAF!
3.
4.
SOMEWHERE IN HERE I AM NOBLE SOMEWHERE IN HERE I AM KIND SOMEWHERE IN HERE IS A CONSCIENCE SOMEWHERE IN HERE IF YOU SEARCH YOU WILL FIND VERY FAR DOWN YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR OWN FUTURE YOU NEVER KNOW NOTHING AT ALL YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR OWN FORTUNE YOU NEVER KNOW HOW FAR YOU WILL FALL VERY FAR DOWN
5.
Olaf-Land 02:47
THEY SAY IF YOU TRY VERY HARD YOU CAN MAKE IT BY WHY BOTHER TRYING WHEN YOU CAN JUST TAKE IT? YOU PEOPLE WITH EVERYTHING DON'T UNDERSTAND - YOU'LL ALL BE MY SERVANTS IN OLAF-LAND! OLAF-LAND!
6.
KIDNAP, MURDER, CONFLAGRATION I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS A SAD OCCASION FAMILIES SPLIT, RELATION SLAYS RELATION I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS A SAD OCCASION HOMELESSNESS, RISING INFLATION I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS A SAD OCCASION CLIMATE CHANGE, OVERPOPULATION I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS A SAD OCCASION SCHISMS IN SECRET ORGANISATIONS I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS A SAD OCCASION TORMENT, MISERY, OBLITERATION I DIDN'T REALISE THIS WAS A SAD OCCASION
7.
8.
NO POINT IN SADNESS NO POINT IN FEAR NO POINT IN CRYING TEAR AFTER TEAR NO POINT IN HYGIENE NO POINT IN RHYME NO POINT IN REASON - BRING ME MORE WINE! DON'T LET LIFE GET YOU DOWN JUST BURN IT TO THE GROUND NO POINT IN KINDNESS NO POINT IN GAMES NO POINT IN NOTHING THAT DON'T END IN FLAMES NO POINT IN ROMANCE NO POINT IN LOVE THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT I'M TOTALLY SURE OF DON'T LET LIFE GET YOU DOWN JUST BURN IT TO THE GROUND
9.
LOOK AT MY DISGUISES THE MAKE-UP ON THE SHELF I'M SO GOOD AT TRICKERY I BARELY KNOW MYSELF MASTER OF DISGUISE! TRANSFORM BEFORE YOUR EYES! LOOK AT YOUR SURROUNDINGS THE WORLD YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE MILLIONS OF HIDDEN THINGS THE WORLD WILL NEVER SHOW MASTER OF DISGUISE! TRANSFORM BEFORE YOUR EYES!
10.
VILLAINY FAILS DISMALLY SO BE NOBLE... JUST LIKE ME
11.
IT'S SO HARD TO FIND DECENT HELP THERE'S NO-ONE REALLY DEPENDABLE IT'S SO HARD TO FIND DECENT HELP I'M SO GLAD THEY'RE ALL SO EXPENDABLE DECENT HELP JUST WANT SOME DECENT HELP SO MANY MOUNTAINS TO TRAVEL SO MANY SINS TO ATONE SO MANY USELESS CRONIES IN THE END, WE'RE ALL ALONE DECENT HELP JUST WANT SOME DECENT HELP
12.
LIKE A SKIPPING STONE INTO THE WORLD WE'RE THROWN AND WE SINK, ALONE INTO THE GREAT UNKNOWN WHETHER STOOL OR THRONE WHETHER FOOL OR CRONE WE ALL SINK ALONE INTO THE GREAT UNKNOWN

about

Thespian Thrash...
Dreadful Dirges...
Melancholic Metal...
Awful Orchestrations...
Scoundrelous Soundscapes...
Recalcitrant Rock...
and Coded Codas...

...all by ME.

(Except for some small and piddling minor musical additions provided under my strict instruction by my Artistic Associates and Treacherous Troupe, but, honestly, they were more trouble than they were worth. Let's face it, we know who played all the good bits.)


NOTE: In no way is this project associated with L.S. or D.H. or A.S.o.U.E, a phrase which here means "please please please don't sue me".

credits

released November 16, 2016

COUNT OLAF: guitar, vocals, bass, drums, lyrics, artwork.

The orphan featured on the introduction to "Olaf-Land" appears entirely under duress, a phrase which here means "she had a simply cracking time and would happily do it again".

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all rights reserved

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Count Olaf Cape Paterson, Australia

COUNT OLAF!

"Count Olaf is perhaps the single greatest gift to music the world has ever seen. Whether you like heavy metal or not, you'll adore Count Olaf. And he's so incredibly handsome too!"
- The Completely Legitimate Review Quarterly, 2016
... more

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